| Handling difficult people | | | | people's needs, rarely their own. Assertive people look |
| The bully, the gossip, the misery, the know-it-all, the | | | | out for their and others' needs. It's a win-win! |
| procrastinator, the silent presence, the 'I want to be | | | | Be a good communicator. Actively listen: show this in |
| everyone's friend'... We've all met them. In fact, if we | | | | body-language and words. Check you've understood |
| are totally honest, there's probably a little of these in all | | | | by reflecting back what was said and asking open |
| of us! | | | | questions. Ensure your non-verbal communication |
| Let's get one thing straight from the start: we can't | | | | matches what you say. Watch the body-language of |
| change other people. We can only change how we | | | | others. Express your views and feelings clearly. Use |
| behave towards them, which in turn will influence their | | | | clear, concise, appropriate language and request |
| behaviour. Here are some strategies that can help! | | | | feedback. Remember, a person is not always looking |
| Become aware of how you react in different | | | | for an instant solution, often they just want to be |
| situations. For example, when someone is angry with | | | | heard! |
| you, is giving you feedback, or when you're in a tricky | | | | It can be hard to say 'No' for many reasons, but saying |
| situation; who is in control, them or you? Do you fight | | | | 'No' is important to our well-being, credibility and |
| back, back down or assert yourself? Can you put | | | | self-confidence. Consider your approach to saying 'No'. |
| yourself in the other person's shoes, how they are | | | | Use slow, deep breathing and a calm voice. Listen, |
| feeling and why? Regardless of other people's | | | | paraphrase and empathise with the request. Explain |
| behaviour, we all have a choice regarding how we | | | | why it's 'Yes' or 'No' clearly and simply, several times if |
| react to others. Exercise your choice by 'standing | | | | necessary. Suggest alternatives, but without being |
| back' and noticing how you feel before proceeding - | | | | drawn into a debate. Use depersonalised language like |
| that's the first step towards changing the situation for | | | | 'The situation is...' rather than 'I think...'. If you've already |
| the better. | | | | said yes, you CAN still change your mind! |
| Work at being assertive. Assertive people feel good | | | | Handle conflict constructively. Take time to get to |
| about themselves and help others to feel good too! | | | | know people you are at odds with: their interests, |
| Deal well with feedback by accepting what you feel is | | | | opinions and behaviours. Encourage people to express |
| fair and discarding that which is not. Ignore | | | | their ideas and views assertively and constructively. |
| exaggerated, judgemental and emotional feedback. | | | | Listen actively, don't judge. Accept you will not always |
| Say how you feel, simply and calmly. It's ok to say 'No', | | | | agree with everyone. Be fair and objective. Conflict |
| to take time to think it through, or to change your mind. | | | | can sometimes be helpful, when under control. It can |
| Express your views honestly and respect those of | | | | challenge people to think differently, to look for |
| others. The other person has rights, and so do you! | | | | alternatives. However, prolonged conflict is draining and |
| Aggressive people aim to satisfy their own needs, | | | | counter-productive. |
| never those of others. Submissive people meet other | | | | Good luck! |